Seeking and Finding Wholeness

I constantly find myself seeing things differently than people I am with. Cultural norms that people accept as divine laws to live by amaze me every single day. I remember asking “but why” as far back as my memory goes. I probably asked “why” as a baby before I could even talk.

I’d see people do a certain thing, say certain things,  or react in certain ways, then I’d ask myself “why”? I asked why because the actions did not seem positive, or seemed lacking in judgment, logic, or respect. Asking “why” meant that something did not make sense to me.

If I verbalized my questions I usually heard unsatisfying answer, most of the time  the answers went like this: “because that is the culture”, or “because it’s in the bible”, or (this may be my favorite one) “because this is what people do”. Some may call you “weird” for questioning “what people do”. Years went by, my questions never got an answer.

Today, I have much more insight into human reasoning and behavior, coupled with love and understanding. Thanks to hypnosis, varied life experiences and guidance, I understand why people do things better.

Understanding something doesn’t mean I agree with it though. It also doesn’t mean I stopped asking “why”. I continue to ask “why” now purely from sheer amazement.

One simple, yet very common example that I came across recently was being at a party, with alcoholic beverages, and seeing a gal tell her friend “have another drink.”  When the friend indicated a “no”, the gal insisted and asked again trying to be more persuasive.

This made me shake my head in disagreement, I probably gave the persons a shocked look as well. I hide my opinions less than I used to do as a kid, some people don’t like that. I don’t care.

Replace the alcoholic beverage seen here with food, fashion, cars, work, computer games, opinions, actions, pretty much anything that a person (a groups, an institution, organization etc) may ask you to do (or think) because they think “it is cool”, or because “it is the way people do things.”

Now, if you take a moment to think about this, you may start notice how common this example is.

If your friend was a true friend, she/he would RESPECT your wishes and opinions. When you say “no” to any idea, a “real friend” would immediately respect your “no”, they will smile and move on to another issue out of sheer respect for you. It’s true that your friend my have the idea that drinking more means “you are having more fun”, she/he may want to see you have more fun based on their understanding of “having fun”, but if you said “no”, for whatever reason then a “no” is a “no”.

You do not need persuasion, you do not need someone to tell you how to have fun. YOU are the one having fun, you decide what fun is to you.

When your gut feeling, desires, or simple leanings go in one direction, if you are happy doing a certain thing, and are then faced with a friend (or anyone for that matter) telling you that this is “not how people have fun”, be bold and say “No.”,

“This is how I have fun.” “This is how I enjoy life”.

If your friend disagrees with you or insists you follow her/his idea of “fun”, “cool”, or any cultural “norm”, maybe you should not be friends with this person. You owe it to yourself to respect yourself first and foremost, respect your desires, your opinions and freedom of thought and choice.

This is a simple act of self love. Respect yourself before you respect your friend.

Others may consider this as an act of defiance against a cultural norm. It doesn’t matter what people call it. What matter is that you respect your gut feeling, your heart’s desire and your own logic. I am not saying that you ignore advice from people. A wise person listens to any and all advice they can get their hands on, THEN she/he makes up their mind.

Simply remember this:

Don’t take answers like “because that is the culture”, or  “because this is what people do” as answers, they are nothing but excuses to get you to disrespect your own leanings and opinions in order to follow someone else’s opinions of what is right for you.

Love and respect yourself, everything good will follow, including good friends.