Have Another Drink. Why?
I constantly find myself seeing things differently than people I am with. Cultural norms that people accept as divine laws to live by amaze me every single day. I remember asking “but why” as far back as my memory goes. I probably asked “why” as a baby before I could even talk.
I’d see people do a certain thing, say certain things, or react in certain ways, then I’d ask myself “why”? I asked why because the actions did not seem positive, or seemed lacking in judgment, logic, or respect. Asking “why” meant that something did not make sense to me.
If I verbalized my questions I usually heard unsatisfying answer, most of the time the answers went like this: “because that is the culture”, or “because it’s in the bible”, or (this may be my favorite one) “because this is what people do”. Some may call you “weird” for questioning “what people do”. Years went by, my questions never got an answer.
Today, I have much more insight into human reasoning and behavior, coupled with love and understanding. Thanks to hypnosis, varied life experiences and guidance, I understand why people do things better.
Understanding something doesn’t mean I agree with it though. It also doesn’t mean I stopped asking “why”. I continue to ask “why” now purely from sheer amazement.
One simple, yet very common example that I came across recently was being at a party, with alcoholic beverages, and seeing a gal tell her friend “have another drink.” When the friend indicated a “no”, the gal insisted and asked again trying to be more persuasive.
This made me shake my head in disagreement, I probably gave the persons a shocked look as well. I hide my opinions less than I used to do as a kid, some people don’t like that. I don’t care.
Replace the alcoholic beverage seen here with food, “fashion”, cars, work, computer games, opinions, pretty much anything that a person (persons, groups, institutions, organizations etc) may ask you to do (or think) because they think “it is cool”, or because “it is the way people do things.” Now, if you take a moment to think about this, you may start notice how common this example is.
If your friend was a true friend, she/he would RESPECT your wishes and opinions. When you say “no” to any idea, a “real friend” would smile and move on to another issue out of sheer respect for you, he/she will not insist that you drink more. Your friend my have an idea that drinking more means “you are having more fun”, but if you said “no”, for whatever reason then a “no” is a “no”.
You do not need persuasion, you do not need someone to tell you how to have fun. YOU are the one having fun, you decide what is fun to you.
When your gut feeling, desires, or simple leanings go in one direction, if you are happy doing a certain thing, and are then faced with a friend (or anyone for that matter) telling you that this is “not how people have fun”, be bold and say “No.”,
“This is how I have fun.” “This is how I enjoy life”.
If your friend disagrees with you or insists you follow her/his idea of “fun”, “cool”, or any cultural “norm”, maybe you should not be friends with this person. You owe it to yourself to respect yourself first and foremost, respect your desires, your opinions and freedom of thought and choice.
A friend told me about this little mindfulness program and website that I have used for the last 5 hours and found very useful. Time to let you know about it.
Greetings and salutations!
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